sod off. i don't want u here

IDDKKK. EEEEEEEEE.











IDK.

i am hating my hands right now. they hurt so bad. they're all stiff and stinging. hmm. my right thumb is being all weird and achy.

i don't dare to look at my hair. i think it's weird. what a bad haircut. BAD. like seriously amateur job. i think a blind 80 yr-old with Parkinson's could have done a more professional job. ah whatever. it'll grow out. shouldn't have cut my hair uh. haiz. back to square one.i keep breaking promises to myself.

i have FLU and COUGH. this is simply WONDERFUL. AWESOME BEYOND WORDS.

the full circle episode just now was saddening. poor dude, he's really damn strong. like whoa. the dad is just a bastard, how could he do that to his own child?? shithead. and the mum is like one freaking doormat. pshht. he's really pretty though. haai.


cough syrup is TEH SEX.

i need tissue.

being back on blogger after lj-ing is like running around in a meadow after being cooped up in a cage. wheewhoo. no more nasty lj codes. :S nice nice blogger. shall go make templates once i've sorted out my room. i've missed doing my random posts or doing 3 posts in a day. and the fun of changing skins every few weeks! lj just makes me totally unmotivated to change skins or update.

anyway, thirteen senses cd for $10. should i get it? argh no dont waste moneeeeyy. save up. get ipod cover, then get digicam. huhoo!

damn hari raye in a week. i dont want puase to end =(

my cousin asked me this "kau nye target for first day brape??" hahahahahha i almost fell off my chair laughing. no one's ever asked me THAT before. hahahahha.

ok i need sleep. urgh presentation tmr.

p.s blogger can PREVIEW!!!! WHOOOOO!!hahah!

i miss this blog. i miss typing away in this screen. read all my previous posts and they all sounded like a different person. i almost couldn't recognize myself i don't know why. i think i'm back. here. it feels right. lj doesn't feel right.. i don't know. for some reason i feel constricted at lj, and that feeling has been increasing lately. and everything feels so fake and pretentious at lj. maybe i've just been surfing the wrong journals but it's so eeyergh.

i read my posts during O levels. i was wowed. i sounded so determined to make it, and i think i actually sounded more mature then. hahaha now i'm just like some deflated balloon. it's funny reading about how much i wanted to get to vjc. i was quite surprised, i had forgotten just how much i wanted to go there and prove to everyone that i am smart and i can make it but ah.. guess i'm not smart huh. now i'm just paddling around with no motivation and no direction at all.

i'm tired. the dandy warhols rule my globe. nak main guitar emo sikit ah skarang. hahahahahhaha.

i am feeling irrational and bleargh so don't read.

i feel nothing. weird. like argh. school is terrible and i think i am seriously in deep shit now. but i can't feel anything. i can't seem to get the grasp of physics, my econs concepts are all screwed and i have no idea what's going on in maths. it's like my brain has been wiped clean.

not sure what to do or feel right now. i guess i should go do physics and i feel like just giving up on econs. stuff stuff stuff what the fuck is going on. but i can't drop econs. i can't drop physics. and is the world really that bad? don't scare me please. are u supposed to motivate me by telling me scary stories? i shouldn't take it in. the use of fear to motivate, it doesn't work on me. i just get all shivery and jumble stuff up. tell me nice stories happy-ending stories. tell me about failures and i'll just give up. like now. you know. telling me that you got straight As and was almost the top student but nooo none of it matters because of our colour we can't be good or very good we must be the very best but i'm not. i'm not the best, i'm barely past average so is there no future for me now? oh god. tell me it's not true. some small part of me is squeaking it's not true but people scare me and squish it and finally all i can hear is the sound of me drowning in my fears. i'm having one of my irrational moments. i keep telling myself it's okay worst come to worst i'll end up selling banana fritters. right right? but i dont want that. can i just be a secretary? wouldn't mind typing all day and i dont have to bring home work but why do i have to aim so high and my goals seem so unattainable? i'm torn.

i should go do physics.

one week since i last updated. wow, that's a record for me. so my sis tunang-ed on sun, was pretty hectic the week before that. one week of my pathetic hols gone just like that. i hate it.

i hate the way how sometimes life can pass by so fast and we don't know it and suddenly we're on our deathbed thinking of all the things we should have done. which is why i am so discontented right now. i don't want life to be a blur of unhappiness and regrets, of missed goals and high expectations. it's stupid, we only have one life to live and most of us waste it trying to achieve goals, results, material things. i don't want that.

i wish people could just let me be, let life be and we all go flitting around doing what we want to and being happy and having no regrets. i hate the fact that i have to be stuck in a crap-ass institution studying from lecture notes and memorising pointless equations and concepts that i'll just forget as soon as i leave school. what's the point of it? what's the point of education? humans just do things to make life harder.

wasn't life so much simpler when all you had to worry about was how to kill that fucking big cow and bring it home to feed your family? it's a simple life, but people were happier and contented then. but nooo.. some stupid fuckass had to start wondering what the hell pi is and how to start torturing the human race with it. isn't it easier if we could just live in a cave and send smoke signals to one another for communication rather than spending the most important and vibrant part of our lives slogging away learning how to build bridges and connect circuits just so that people 200 miles apart can communicate. so what if we can communicate? is it so important to have to talk to some prick who lives 200 miles away?

i hate humans. seriously. i wish i could be a recluse because all humans do is make life difficult and hurt other humans. what other animal in the animal kingdom does that? honestly, humans are stupid. no other animal invents stuff to make their lives more difficult. no other animal invents nuclear bombs and goes around bombing hundreds and thousands of its own kind. i am ashamed to be human. everytime i see animals abused or terrorists bombing here and there i feel like crawling into a hole and saying i'm an earthworm.

humans suck.

there is a song on my blog. it makes me happy.

i am restraining myself from running out to get their album. i'm dying to. stevie is such a hottie.

"it's really pretty depressing when teenagers with crappy taste in music start liking these bands because they like one song on the radio. so please dont say you love them if you dont really know their music (or if you get your music taste from the radio of mtv)."

it's a total insult to good bands when teenagers with crappy taste in music or mainstream fuckers start liking them either because it's cool or because everyone is listening to it. please... don't. have your own taste, your own life. don't try so hard to be the the same as everyone, or stand out from the crowd and listen to "cool" stuff because it makes you so much more different than everyone else. listen to what you like, don't force yourself into certain things, like if your ears are made for pop, don't force yourself to like iron maiden or children of bodom or all that shit. it doesn't make you any different from the other half of the population that tries hard to be different. the best is to be yourself. that's unique enough.

i guess this is as much of a reminder to me as it is to everyone else. it just gets on my nerves, these things, and that's why i end up hating myself for being so hypocritical towards myself and others. but everyone is hypocritical and everyone sets double standards. ah, the things i say to make me feel better.

i'm done here. just getting tired of people who violate some bands, genres and subcultures, though granted, subcultures are pretty stupid, which makes people who pose to be in them stupidest of all. but anyway, yeah. pshht. i'm just anticipating the violation of indie in singapore. it's like when you're on your deathbed and you're just waiting for death to come, it could be the next sec, the next min, or the next few months, but it's gonna come and it's not gonna be pretty. oh dear. it's starting. soon all those matreps and cinonets.. bopping along to hhh and head automatica... *shudders,convulses and falls off chair, but not before publishing post*